Well.... my mum had a saying - whenever things got too much she would say she had "reached her asymptotic value." Google it. Go on! Stuff about arbitrary curves and limit values. Huh?! Anyway - suffice it to say that it we in our family think of it as a point beyond which one cannot go. Very bridge of Khazad dum... "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
Everyone has their limits. I thought I'd reached mine in 2007. Wrong! Then again in 2012... Also wrong! Then again in 2014.... and there have been points in 2015 when I wondered how I could possibly continue. Not that I didn't want to. I do actually really want to live. I love life - it's just been rather unrequited at times!
The fact, however, that I am still living in my own home complete with chickens :) is testament to the fact that there have been some letups - some wonderful strokes of good fortune no less - from more than one direction. It's not all bad I admit. The trouble is, trying to make the most of the good when you are absolutely on the floor with exhaustion and emotional overload. Life's latest little nugget, while being potentially a very helpful bonus and a rare gift, is quite possibly one bridge of Khazadum too far!
I really am not sure how much longer I can go on doing this on my own. I am trying to gather my energies to focus on the marketing for The Beastliest Bear, who really deserves the best that I can give him, even if he is one of the naughtier sorts of bears around. It would mean a lot to my dad if I could finally launch this book into it's rightful place in children's book history and despite everything I'm going to give it all I've got.
The world needs a beastliest bear, of that I am convinced and bears in general need a leg up in society! The world has long consigned teddy bears to the world of the Under 5's which is lovely for the under 5's but very unfair on the older age groups and extremely limiting for your common garden teddy bear whose real nature is so much more rich and diverse than children's literature will currently allow. Who is the loser? Well, the children, even the adults, and of course, the bears themselves. It's a lose lose situation with extra losers!
This can't be allowed to continue; it is time to find some reserves from somewhere in the hope of avoiding the bridge of Khazadum - for a little while at least. I can't promise anything. I may well get sucked into the abyss. I can only give it my best shot.
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